Brilliant post !Absolutely bang on !
Reminds me of one of Deida’s passages about chasing or tails ,searching for what is already inside of us… and the tails looks suspiciously like a woman” LOL

You guys rock!

Jeff

Hmmm… well I used to be a collapse guy, but now I posture more. I tend to lose composure easily and when I do I get withdrawn. So if I had to choose one I’d say I posture more.

I practice feeling when I do energy work. Its a bitch for me after spending 20 years running from discomfort – but its also strangely satisfying to just burn as long as I can.

For some reason its harder for me to do this with people. I getted jittered out really easily especially now that I feel more. Relating was easy 3 years ago because I was numb… but being numb and unaware in relating still wasn’t high quality even though it was easy. i’ve taken the next step in that I can feel my emotions and sensations like fucking lightning inside me – but can I be composed?

I’m gradually getting it. I started this stuff in late ’08 and was cultivating presence gradually until ’11. Most of ’11 was spent cultivating appreciation. Now I’m starting to knock on integrity’s door a little bit. Time to work on my composure… lol. I think I might get a back issue on composure to help me out.

Usually shows up as furtive glances, wishy washy, half attention, trying to prove, “mind reading” and flat out fuck off bubble. Secretly wanting attention but I reject any woman who tries to give it to me so she can’t reject me.

In conversation, which usually means she approached me, I fair better and its still a bit of a mess. I’m feeling a lot and I’m unsure of myself which makes it hard to stay connected to myself. I find myself looking to impress rather than going for what I want. Conversations usually start great and then just fizzle out.

I’m also not very motivated to try to have sex with women. There’s desire for it, but its overshadowed by a desire to prove something and impress. So I try to meet the emotional need and the carnal need that I’m really wanting beneathe the surface is repressed.

Another thing to consider is that (I don’t think) Decker doesn’t “TRY” to do ANYTHING. What he and Bryan and the rest of the team are trying to teach us is being present with yourself, her and the interaction, recognizing the energy and dynamic of the interaction, accepting it for what it is, regardless of whether or not it is what you want, and owning what you want, then finally playing with the dynamic. It won’t be the same for every interaction even with the same girl and most certainly won’t be the same if its with different girls. Also, Decker did what felt right to him based on his thoughts, beliefs and experience. If you were to use AMP principles and jump into that interaction, you would most likely (actually, probably more like most DEFINITELY) have brought a totally different flavor to the interaction because your experiences are totally different from Decker’s, thus you will be bringing different thoughts and beliefs.

But to say that Decker was “too this” or “too that” doesn’t make sense. In the Marine Corps, we had a saying: “If its stupid but it works, then its not stupid.” Likewise, if Decker’s eye contact was too strong but it ended up working to get her to bring herself to the interaction, then it wasn’t too strong, was it.