To the point where you lose yourself in her beauty?

Man, I definitely know this. I’m entranced by her radiance, completely snowed by her beauty…

She may have done NOTHING to deserve that attention except inherit some good genetics and put on some makeup…
She could be totally emotionally closed, clueless, mean-spirited, and unconscious…devoid of any of the qualities I admire in a woman, yet if she’s got a “hot girl costume”, I’ll put her on a pedestal and treat her in my mind like she’s queen of the world…

Okay they’re hot, but what else do you notice?

What the hell?! I’ve been snowed by appearance. I think most guys do this to some degree or another, but for me, the cost of this is no longer acceptable. Because if she IS someone who happens to completely gorgeous inside AND out…a woman I’d like to know better, or create something with, I’ve already screwed myself and any possibility of REAL connection… When I get lost in her beauty, it’s a disservice to ME, and a disservice to HER. Because from that moment, I stop treating her as a person, and more as an idealized object of my desire.

What can you feel about her, beyond the physical?

Not even necessarily as a sex object, but as an object by which I compare myself to…evaluate myself against in ugly ways…

Am I “good enough/cool enough” to “get her”?

Ugh. I feel disempowered, and NAUSEOUS.

Does this sound at all familiar to you?

Luckily, I now can watch my mind go down this path, and see it as a clear warning sign that I’m OFF-TARGET.

I’m committed to relating to women as PEOPLE, and my self-worth being INTERNALLY GENERATED, not based on how beautiful a woman I can attract…
Yet, left to its own devices, my mind will run this trip anyway!

Can you relate?

Well, I discovered a practice that really helped me, from a woman who I respect and whose values are aligned with AMP’s…a woman who loves men and is committed to their greatness…

MEET ALLANA PRATT

We’ve talked for hours on the phone, invited her up to be one of the “AMP Women” for our Weekend Intensives, and if we ever do a combination “No Woman Diet” / “No Man Diet”, she’s likely to be one of our co-leads for the women’s side…

Anyway, she’s written in her free eBook a little gem that I’ve been applying all weekend.

I was at a music festival…gorgeous women EVERYWHERE, adorned like goddesses, nymphs, creatures of incredible beauty…and it’s been so easy to get “snowed by the Hot Girl costume” and objectify them, without really knowing them or relating to them as Human Beings…

I want to share with you an excerpt from Allana’s free report that made a difference for me:

It’s Spirit, Mind, Body and when your perspective changes to seeing her pussy as Sacred ground, the whole game changes. So, instead of [seeing] her body as meat first… connect with her body on a spiritual level… this glorious soul decided to choose this gorgeous body to represent her spirit… drink in the sacredness of her skin, notice how her capacity to love shines through her eyes, radiates and turns heads when she enters the room…

Ok, so the language is a bit flowery for guy-talk, but when I feel into what she’s saying, what I hear is this:

When I put attention on seeing BEYOND the “hot girl” uniform, and see the “Spirit”/”Being”/”Whatever You Want to Call It That Is Uniquely HER”, feel into Her unique essence that makes her who she is (instead of being “gorgeous unattainable girl I compare myself against”)…it changes how I relate to her.

Is she fiery and mischievous? Cool and compassionate? Dark and mysterious? What’s the flavor that is uniquely HER, rather than her just being “Hot”?

When I put this quality of attention on her, I can begin to SEE her for who she is (including appreciating the time and attention she’s put into adorning herself), without being snowed by her radiant appearance.

I’m no longer putting her on a pedestal, slobbering over her like every other “appearance-snowed” guy she meets—instead, I’m relating to her as a PERSON. From here, we can have a Real Connection, and this is a gift for Both of us.

THANKS TO ALLANA

I got a lot out of this…So, as a “thank you” for helping me out, I’m giving a little shout-out to Allana here — there are some other good nuggets and powerful exercises in her free report. While much of it you’ve probably heard if you’ve been turned on to David Deida’s work, it’s cool to hear it from a woman’s perspective. AND, if you’re ready to have a fierce advocate for your greatness in your corner, check out her new program, http://GetHerToSayYes.com.

*********************

So be sure to check out Allana…

And next time you find yourself entranced by the Feminine, getting snowed by appearance… try seeing her for the “Spirit” or “Essence” BEHIND the “hot girl costume”. Like the connoisseur of a fine wine, can you distinguish the aspects that make her uniquely HER?

Was this useful for you? Any other tools that help YOU see beyond the “hot girl” uniform? Leave a comment below.

My friend David Wood (who you might know from the
Authentic Sexual Power “Stroking” program…) invited me
to take it with him, and I’m so glad I took him up on the offer.

I’d taken improv classes before, but never a straight-up acting class – and at times, it was INTENSE. Acting can be a very powerful tool for self-awareness—it’s like “emotional weightlifting”, building your capacity to authentically feel emotions.

It was interesting to explore how “pretending” to be someone else could feel so emotionally authentic — I found myself so plugged in to the characters I was playing, that I could cry their tears, or feel their anger… it was amazing!

Also, discovering which roles were more challenging for me to play made me more aware of places that are vulnerable or edgy in myself.

For me, being actively cruel or unfeeling was particularly challenging for me – because I think there is actually a “mean” part of me inside, that I’m still only beginning to discover and “own”…

DEBATE BETWEEN TWO EPIC MONOLOGUES…

One assignment we had was to choose a monologue from a play or movie to work with for several weeks. At first, I was set on Satan’s (played by Al Pacino) rant on God, in “Devil’s Advocate”:

But as entertaining and dramatic as that scene is, in the end I chose a scene
from “American Beauty”.

I love that movie. It explores some of the darkest aspects of humanity…
And yet, we’re invited to see the inherent beauty and perfection in the mundane moments, as well as the tragic…

Case in point, the protagonist (played by Kevin Spacey) is murdered, shot in the
head at the end of the movie…and his final, post-mortem monologue is the
one I memorized and performed.

Along the lines of this theme of mortality, and making the most of your life,
I’m sharing it with you:

Me and my acting teacher were debating whether the intention of this last monologue was to just simply SHARE about his experience of what it’s like to die, or whether he’s somehow REASSURING the viewer, from a place of Compassion, that it’s OKAY… What do you think?

If you’ve ever been curious about acting, I encourage you to explore some of the local or community college classes in acting, and check it out!

BTW, final note on the mortality piece — if you haven’t completed the “Cold Shower” Quiz, do so now, I’ll be taking it down soon — check it out here.

And he’s mentioned that he’s got a problem on his hands – lots of eligible women are
showing up at the events…and there aren’t enough men!

As we explored this, it’s that same theme — it seems that men (especially 40+) seem to be fairly RESIGNED to their life situation…

Basically, they’re not motivated to get out there and make something happen.

They’re settling.

Like, they’ve been whupped by life, so they’ve settled for being single, settled for their day job, and are “making do” with their day-to-day routine.

And I can understand that…life can be tough!
It’s all some of us can do to get out of bed in the morning, much less get out there and meet someone.

I WANT TO BE SEDATED…?

It’s just easier to sedate ourselves with gadgets, video games, tv, sports and porn…or the pursuit of material possessions…

…than to get honest with ourselves about what we’re doing with our lives, what we want, and where we’re headed.

I can see this in myself too…left to my own devices, I’ll follow the tendency to sedate myself,“trance out” and coast along with the rest of the unconscious masses.

If any of this resonates for you…if you have that nagging sense that you could be more ALIVE, living a more rewarding life…then…

COMPLETE THE “COLD SHOWER” QUIZ

I’ve put together 6 carefully chosen questions designed to WAKE YOU UP to the places in your life where you might be “trancing out”, and help you get brutally honest with yourself about what’s next for you, and what might be in the way.

Check it out —

http://www.authenticmanprogram.com/thecoldshowerquiz/

BTW, I don’t think I’ve offered coaching to you guys in 7 years, but I’ve been feeling the itch to get back in the trenches with a few men inspired to pour rocket fuel on their lives. At the end of the survey, there’s an opportunity for a few of you to do just that.

Wow. The only act of authentic self-expression we have left is choosing the car we drive.

Also: If we resign ourselves to a mediocre, inauthentic life, it will somehow be offset by a material consumer purchase. Wow!

What an intensely sobering media message, directed squarely at perhaps the most empowered, influential demographic on the planet – the white American Male…

AMP’S MISSION: AN ALTERNATIVE TO CONSUMERISM

On one level, our mission with AMP is to help men become more authentic, so that they can have more of what they want with women (sex, love, connection), and have it feel good for everyone involved.

Behind the scenes, though, Decker and I have always been sincerely focused on supporting men in having rewarding relationships with women as a subset of us wanting more PEOPLE having more rewarding relationships with EVERYONE… in service of our families and our PLANET.

In fact, when you ask Decker why he does this work, he often doesn’t even talk about men or women…

He references the beauty of Alaskan wolves running in the snow…and how excruciating it is, knowing they’re being killed for sport in unconscious ways…

The deeper mission of AMP and AuthenticWorld is based on the notion that if we’re truly being nourished by our personal relationships (friends, lovers, family, coworkers, etc.), then we as a species are less likely to feel the need to engage in “fill-the-hole” consumerism…or raping the environment in senseless ways.

So, AMP and AuthenticWorld is our best shot at making the world a better place – through fostering authentic, rewarding relationships.

(In the spirit of this article, if you want to order our Getting Her World program, which specifically focuses on creating more rewarding, authentic interactions — you can get it at the discounted launch price — $200 off — here’s a backdoor link).

HOW ABOUT YOU?

Does any part of this Dodge Charger commercial resonate for you at all? Do you find yourself looking to “get something” when you’re not feeling fulfilled or nourished?

What actions could you be taking (or are taking already!) to CONTRIBUTE to a more sustainable, rewarding world…?

Leave a comment below:

When I was a kid, what I wanted more than anything else was a Dukes of Hazzard big wheel. This is it. The 3-wheel “General Lee”!

Why? While I liked the Dukes of Hazzard TV show, what I liked even more was the fact that this big wheel had a spin-out HAND BRAKE on it. What did that mean? It meant I could pedal at top speed, then pull off turning 180 degree swerves, just like the kids in the commercial.

I wanted one so bad, and was clear that if I only had this ONE THING, The Dukes of Hazzard big wheel with the hand brake, I would be completely satisfied. I prayed to God that Santa would bring me one, and… he did!

My life was finally complete!

For about 15 minutes.

Then, the novelty wore off… and it was just another toy.

Years later, I had completely forgotten that lesson, when I played Super Mario Bros on a friend’s Nintendo. This was so far beyond the Atari games that I’d grown up with… all the secret levels, and cool tricks you could do on Super Mario, I
knew I’d never, ever get bored of that game. I was positive I wouldn’t even WANT any other games…

So I got a Nintendo, and sure enough, Super Mario held my interest, fully and completely!

For about 2 days.

It was beginning to dawn on me that that material fulfillment is a temporary fix, and NOT the promise of eternal happiness that it seems to be.

And then forgot it, and went out and bought the ULTIMATE game-to-end-all-games, Legend of Zelda. Until I realized, once again…

And so on…

I’d certainly forgotten this realization again by the time my attention turned from big wheels and video games toward the ultimate object of craving: Girls.

Women.

The Feminine.

LUSTING AFTER WOMEN

I was studying with one of David Deida’s teachers several years ago, and one thing he said really stuck out at me. Something along the lines of…

“We could fill this massive room with EVERY FLAVOR of woman you could ever imagine – vivacious fiery ones; cool, icy-gorgeous ones; sweet, submissive ones… Asians, Latinas, Norwegians… and you could have rocking, kinky sex every which way with every single one of them, fulfill every raunchy, taboo fantasy you’ve ever had… for 3 YEARS…
And at the end, you would still ask me the same damn questions about women that you’re asking me now.”

When it comes down to it, most of us chronically seek things outside of ourselves in order to feel complete. This is especially true with how we relate to women.

And it will NEVER be enough when it comes to women.

A YEAR OF MY FANTASIES BEING FULFILLED

This past year has been a LOT of fun. I’ve dated lots of women and fulfilled most of my sexual fantasies…

and, I’m starting to finally sustain the realization, on a deeper, ongoing level, that there IS no “Holy Grail” experience, some final event that will have me feeling fulfilled, long-term.

But after each experience, it was just like the Dukes of Hazzard Big Wheel.

In fact, there’s an almost existential hopelessness that sets in when I’ve “had it all” – and I realized that none of it really means anything as far as long-term fulfillment, happiness and satisfaction is concerned.

Sure, there are still women I’m interested in, and at times I’m practically INCAPACITATED by my attraction to all these exotic women that I see in my travels here in Asia.

In my clearest moments, it’s plain to me that every gorgeous woman I see who catch my attention, and seems to hold the promise of “ultimate satisfaction”, is just another form of the Dukes of Hazzard Big Wheel with a spin-out hand-brake.

Without a deeper context of appreciaton, my sexual desires would offer a fulfillment, at most…and THEN what?

The search continues for the next “peak experience”… the next “workshop high”… the next psychedelic journey, the next new hot girl, the next money-making opportunity, etc… each time, becoming clearer and clearer that NO “PEAK EXPERIENCE” IS EVER REALLY GOING TO FULFILL ME, REALLY.

No video game, no drug, no sexual experience and no amount of money is ever going to do it. NOTHING WILL.

How does that feel?

To come to grips with the fact that most of your efforts to bring meaning to your life, or to stave off loneliness or that sense of lack, are a crack-pipe quick-hit fix, at BEST?

THE ONLY WAY OUT I’VE FOUND…

I’m going to share with you the way out of this dilemma…
Ready?

Here it is:

Derive satisfaction from the simple pleasures.

My desire is to derive the same degree of bliss, freedom and fulfillment from an orgy with a harem of the bangin’est tantrika bikini models, as I would from a deep, full breath of air moving through my nostrils, into my lungs, and nourishing my body with fresh oxygen….

To enjoy a cup of hot green tea as much as a world-class blowjob.

THAT is my desire now.

Because when you’ve been there and done that…what’s left, but to deepen your satisfaction of the simple pleasures of being alive, moment to moment?

That’s why I’m here at the Osho Meditation Resort in Pune, India, waking up at 5:30am every morning, and doing all kinds of strange meditation practices… shaking, laughing, Sufi whirling, dancing, crying, jumping up and down and yelling the mantra “HOO!”

All kinds of things to take me out of the typical thought-stream of the mind and bring me into a deeper felt-experience of the present moment. Osho said that the Western mind wasn’t designed to simply do seated silent meditation – that we needed something more Dynamic to clear the mind, before we could sit with any sustained attention, and I’ve definitely found this to be true for me.

Ever since I set this intention to relax out of this search get my needs met outside of myself, from a woman or experience, and feel the satisfaction of WHATEVER is arising, independent of my external circumstances, I’ve begun to enjoy all kinds of simple things with a new appreciation now…

• Birds singing, and wheeling overhead
• Sunshine on my skin, the sensation of physical touch on my skin…
• Trees. Fucking WOW. Trees are amazing things, when you stop to really reflect on the nature of trees.
• My body. . I was sitting here at the resort after a recent meditation,just marveling at…”fingers”! The fact that simply by thinking/intending/sending the signal to these things, that they actually move– even as I’m typing these words, they’re following these instructions. And that they’re actually a conduit for helping me express complex ideas. How amazing is that??

From this place, of being with the total simplicity of life, EVERYTHING is a profound GIFT, especially women…!

And, as you might imagine, women are drawn to this depth of appreciation. How you relate to the world is a clear indicator of how you will relate with them…

I was out on a date with a woman recently here in India, and she saw me closing my eyes, slowly savoring each bite of curry, and suddenly I looked over, and saw her looking at me like she was about to pounce on me. She mentioned
later, that she instantly knew if I was savoring food like that, that I would savor HER with just as much loving attention.

Meals are actually a great place to start enjoying the simple moments. You don’t have to be at a meditation retreat to start relaxing out of your need to find the “ultimate fulfilling experience” – you can simply start right NOW, in your day-to-day life.

I used to eat meals while listening to music and checking email. Now, I turn everything off, and focus on each bite of my meal.

AMP “PRESENCE PRACTICE OF THE MONTH”: Conscious Eating

For each meal, remove any other distractions – no TV, email, reading, or music. Focus exclusively on the experience of bringing the food from the plate into your mouth, chewing each bite consciously.

Notice if your mind wanders, and bring it back to this moment of nourishing your body.

From the moment you put it on your fork or spoon, to the moment you bring it into your mouth, to chewing it, you’re paying attention to the sensation of the utensil in your hand, the food in your mouth, passing down the esophagus, etc…
Sounds easy? I find that on a good day, I’m still only Present for about 20% of the bites I take in a meal. Can you beat that?

Doing basic “Simple Pleasures” practices like this helps me deepen my appreciation for my day-to-day experiences–- and an ongoing reminder that I can find satisfaction in ANY moment – not just with women or some “someday” experience in the future.

Love from India!
Jan 11, 2010

Me and this Indian woman ended up singing some popular Broadway Musical Songs together, right here in the Mumbai
Train Station…

——————–
How about you? What’s a commonplace thing that you find simple pleasure in? Leave a comment below:

I got a call last Friday at 3:24 AM from a scared friend in San Francisco who broke the news to me about the 8.9 earthquake in Japan, and concerned that the tsunami, scheduled to reach the U.S. west coast at 8am, would put her in danger…

As it turned out, the West Coast was minimally impacted, but it felt strange to go about my day, making my breakfast protein shake, planning for a birthday party we were hosting that evening, while on the other side of the world entire villages had been wiped away, nuclear power plants were on the verge of meltdown, and parents frantically continued searching for their children swept away by the water…


How does this reality inform how we live, even as we enjoy our iced mocha lattes in the safety and comfort of our lives?

It doesn’t seem to help to feel BAD about it – and of course we can give money or volunteer our time, or say prayers…but I’m curious about the Beauty to be found in the rubble of these events… because this is just one of dozens of catastrophic tragedies that are currently happening in the world, and have been happening since the beginning of time.

THE BIGGER THE PAIN, THE GREATER THE BEAUTY?

Think to some of the most beautiful stories you’ve ever heard — from Shawshank Redemption to Schindler’s List, to anything written by Shakespeare, whether they’re fictional or real, these stories involve tremendous tragedy and hardship…

And from 9/11 (that brought New Yorkers closer together) to the Holocaust (that inspired countless acts of courage and profound works of art)… I believe that the tapestry of humanity is richer for having had these experiences…

So, my question is…

HOW CAN TRAGEDY CREATE BEAUTY?

I called our AMP CEO, Scott Bowman, to discuss this, and the conversation was so rich, I captured the second half, here (6m30s):

We touch on:

* Hemingway and Shotguns
* Burningman, and Hurricane Katrina
* Haiti (where my little brother Alex is currently still volunteering to help rebuild, btw)
* Mozart’s Requiem – a gift to the passing of his father…
* How AMP was created from embracing challenges…
and more…

Exploring the beauty in these events is one of the ways we survive them and process them – and it’s one of the best ways, one that is contagious and spreads strength and understanding. In a small way, when one of us shares how we find/found beauty in tragedy it helps the rest of us cope and make sense out of the senseless.

So my question to you, as outlined in my call with Bowman, is this:

HOW DO YOU SEE/CREATE BEAUTY IN THE FACE OF TRAGEDY, IN YOUR LIFE, OR THE LIVES OF OTHERS?

Share in the comments below…

Think about your life for a moment, and the challenges you’ve faced –from
something as trivial as getting a parking ticket, to a breakup, to the loss of a loved one…

What is a story that could feed the rest of us, that was an expression of beauty borne from tragedy/challenge…

Or, it can be an expression of someone else’s tragedy that moved you in some way…

My intention is for this to be an open inquiry…
To further invite shares, I’ll send anyone who posts a particularly impactful, a copy of our Inner Circle recording, “Making All Your Relationships a Work of Art”. Post your stories and reflections below.

***UPDATE 3/21/2010***

Lots of great comments on this topic —

Some people thought it was too soon to look for the beauty…and that this was
inconsiderate of me to explore this topic given what’s still unfolding in Japan…
and as Shiraz said in the comments, much of the beauty that emerges is a timing thing…
that it comes AFTER the fact of a disaster/catastrophe…

I agree — and to be clear, this inquiry isn’t about “finding the beauty in what’s happening in Japan” — this is about ANY misfortune, disaster, or painful experience…

THREE WAYS BEAUTY EMERGES FROM TRAGEDY

I culled through the blog posts, and several themes emerged about how Beauty shows up in tragedy…

1) How We Come Together, individually, and collectively, to support each other when disaster strikes…beyond the petty and trivial concerns that typically occupy our attention…I felt some of this, in the thank you messages I received from warning friends here in SF of the potential Tsunami…and Tambo in the comments below writes of his experience of being in Japan, and the acts of extreme kindness he saw…

BTW, to support the relief effort, you can text REDCROSS to 90999 to give $10 to the relief effort…

2) The Art We Create As An Expression of the grief, as an tribute to those we’ve lost, as a way to process the loss, as Jon shared a link to some artwork inspired by a date gone awry…

This is definitely something that emerges after tragedy/loss…

I remember with my last girlfriend, some of the most incredible beauty came out of how we ended our relationship — with a completion ceremony that involved burying ritual objects that had been the symbolic of our relationship…

3) It can Wake Us to Where We’ve Been Sleepwalking — When tragedy hits, it’s an opportunity to stop see what we take for granted, and appreciate it at a deeper level — our health, our homes and our friends…

As Seth said in the comments, grief and loss strips us to the core, exposing our hearts…and therefore available to appreciate even the simplest of things…

And perhaps the most “taken-for-granted” of all, the assumption that all this is going to be here forever. That our life is FINITE, and WILL END. And begs the question, how are we inspired to LIVE, given this reality?

Keep these in mind as you relate to the unfoldings of your life, and global events…

FREE INNER CIRCLE DOWNLOAD

There were lots of great stories, so I’m just going to give away the download to everyone… you can get it here:

I was going to offer this Inner Circle download, “Making All Your Relationships a Work of Art (part 1)” to anyone with a particularly impactful comment — but there were so many good comments, I’m just going to give away the download to everyone… you can get it here:

http://authenticmanprogram.com/ic/art159

Thanks again for all the reflections on this topic. Feel free to post more below.

This is a clip of Decker riffing about Shared Humanity right before lunch
during our recent “Getting Her World” Weekend. Shared Humanity
is that recognition that we’re all in this together, with other people
with their own hopes, dreams, desires, insecurities and experiences…

He’s pointing out the crazy fact that our “approach anxiety” that
comes up when we’re approaching someone we’re attracted to DISSOLVES
if we’re in another country and that person happens to speaks the same
language as us… all because we have “something in common”.

Consider this: that we ALWAYS have something in common — the shared
experience of being a Human Being– our Shared Humanity — if we are
present to this reality.

And that it’s possible to connect from that place, at any time, with ANYONE.

The next part, about being blown open by a sunrise, offers an even more
profound insight…on how we relate to our Own experience…

Leave your thoughts and reflections here…

This is towards the end of their conversation, where the topic of sexual fetishes suddenly comes up…an exciting, rewarding exploration…!

Decker challenges you in this one: See if you can catch it before he does, the “gleam in her eye” that suggests there’s a WORLD behind this subtle cue!

Did you catch the “gleam” before Decker did?

http://GettingHerWorld.com

- B

Download Ken & Decker’s Discussion

I still am in a bit of disbelief that this recording
happened…
Ken Wilber is a philosopher, meditator, author,
and happens to have one of the most brilliant
brains on the planet — known as the “Einstein of
psychology & spirituality”.

Back in the day, Decker and I used Ken Wilber’s
Integral Theories to create the “AMP Holarchy” and
our AMP Intensive weekend courses…

In this past year, Decker and Ken have become
good friends — and when they decided to do a
recorded discussion for IntegralLife (Ken’s
company),  Ken suggested they discuss the
“Top 10 Inner Game Sticking Points” report.

Now, this was majorly amusing for Decker and I, as
we wrote this thing over 6 years ago, and had almost
forgotten about it…but Ken really seemed to like it,
so they went and had a recorded chat about it.

In this recording, you’ll hear:
* Ken and Decker riff on the Top 10 Sticking Points
as seen through the “integral lens”

* An overview of the “5 Biases” of AuthenticWorld
(AMP’s “umbrella” company)

* The reasoning behind the marketing style of AMP
and AuthenticWorld

…and much more.

This is a cool opportunity to refresh yourself with
an AMP “oldie-but-a-goodie”, and take the ride along
with one of the biggest influences on the work of AMP,
and one of the most brilliant minds our planet has
ever seen.

Download the “Top 10 Inner Game Sticking Points”
Download Ken & Decker’s Discussion

Enjoy!

- Bryan