In my private coaching practice, the holidays are the time of year where all the work we’ve been doing around staying centered and non-reactive in the face of intensity gets SEVERELY TESTED.
While visiting the family can be a joyful occasion, it can also trigger the hell out of us.
- Mom and Dad bickering
- Your bragging, obnoxious brother-in-law who won’t shut up about how he beat you in bowling last year
- Your spoiled, demanding cousins
- Your sibling who still treats you like you are still in potty-training
- Your neurotic, obsessive-compulsive chain-smoking Aunt Linda who insists on bringing her cat everywhere with her
Get them all in to the same room, and watch the fun begin!
I put together 3 quick tips to support you in getting the most out of your time with them, and these just so happen (like ALL of AMP’s work) to apply to relating with the ladies.
Tip #1: Remember: Everyone’s Doing the Best They Can, With The Resources They’ve
If you have trouble with “being a Yes” to your family, then this perspective, which has its origins in NLP, will be great for you for cultivating compassion.
Remember that the members of your family that you don’t feel “met” by may just not have the resources (skills) to relate with you in the way you might like.
“The World is Perfect As It Is, Including My Desire To Change It”
– Ram Dass
So, remember that everyone’s doing the best they can with the resources they’ve got… before you fly off the handle.
And the same thing goes for those wacky, exquisite, often irrational, lovable creatures we call… women.
Tip #2: Don’t Try to Force A Flower to Bloom
I stole this from the “Foundations of Inner Game III: Power of Integrity” training manual:
One of the biggest challenges with doing personal development work is that as you begin to “see the matrix” – you realize that many of the people you love the most (family members especially) are still stuck, completely oblivious and unaware of the habitual, reactive patterns that run their lives.
Our tendency is to try and MAKE THEM SEE what we see, but I have found that while this can work sometimes, my ATTACHMENT to having them see things from my perspective can often GET IN THE WAY of them waking up to these realizations for themselves.
For me, I have come to simply trust the process of each individual’s unfolding, and just as you can’t force a flower to bloom, when it’s time, it’s time.
If they’re ready to hear what you have to share with them, great. If not, practice understanding THEIR world (and this SUPER important for when you’re relating with women).
Tip #3: Play it Like a Game
While some people may dread spending prolonged periods of time with their family, you may want to consider it like a game:
How fully and completely can I ENJOY and CELEBRATE my family (including all their
Putting your interactions into a “game” perspective when interacting with people who trigger you can help you to relax out of “needing them to be a certain way,” and refocuses your attention on actually ENJOYING yourself – a revolutionary concept for some when visiting the family.
This is a key perspective that is incredibly useful in relating with women as well.
Since emotions are contagious, if you’re skilled at enjoying yourself regardless of the circumstances, chances are she’ll catch the same wave. And making it a game helps keep this in perspective.
Hope these quick tips help you through the holidays and beyond.
Leave a quick comment, and tell me your thoughts!
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Killer Kwanzaa, etc…
Bryan and the AMP Team