My Stupid, Wild Ride (No Trust, No Sex)


My alarm clock is going off – it’s 6:30 AM.

I’m curled up with a deliciously feminine, warm, soft, curvy naked body beside me.

I knew she had an important meeting at 8, but I did some vague calculations in my mind… surely hitting the snooze button once wouldn’t hurt. I drifted back to sleep… “Mmm… sleep… good.”

The night before, we’d agreed to go on a morning run. When we finally got out of the house, our run was feeling so good that I decided we’d take the long way home.

She asks, “How are we on time?” I wasn’t sure. I hadn’t brought a watch.

When we got back, I looked at the time: 7:46. Damn! Her meeting is in 14 minutes and she’s in her sweats… and hasn’t even showered yet! No time.

“Babe, you don’t have time to shower.”

“But I’m sweaty!”

“We have to skip it!”

She quickly changes, and we rush out the door, only to realize that I forgot my keys all the way back upstairs. Fuck!

We’re in the car at 7:50. I navigate my Volkswagen GTI through rush-hour traffic at top speed… gunning the turbo through intersections, ripping over the hills of San Francisco, dodging the kids on the crosswalks on their way in to school.

A pedestrian flashes his middle finger when I speed by. My girl is holding on to the “Oh Shit” handles above the door for dear life.

My girl is holding on to the “Oh Shit” handles above the door for dear life.

I make it there on time, although just BARELY.

“See? No sweat!”

Her body feels stressed out from Mr. Bayer’s Wild Ride: she’s tight and unsettled, sticky from her sweat, and her breathing is shallow and stressed… she is NOT having fun.

She silently chides herself for trusting me to wake us up on time, for not having kept an eye on the clock herself during our run. Her body is getting the message that she can’t relax around me, or else things are going to be unpleasant. No kiss goodbye.

That night, in bed, I can feel her body is more closed to me than usual – she’s not as sexually responsive as usual… she’s less expressive… less… SURRENDERED.

And I know why: she isn’t trusting me enough to relax. Her body is associating ME with tension, stress, and the need to protect herself. No nookie tonight.

I feel a knot in my stomach as she sets her OWN alarm, puts it under her pillow and turns over to fall asleep. Damn.

I realize that it will take time for her body to trust me again. I mean, how can I expect her to “relax open” with me in bed, if she can’t “relax open” with me OUTSIDE of the bedroom?

As with so many things, this incident can be traced back to PRESENCE. If I had exercised more Presence, I would have been more focused and attentive.

I would have had the Presence of Mind to bring a freakin’ watch on our morning run, remember my car keys as I rushed out the door, and to anticipate morning traffic.

Rather than resist my feelings or beat myself up about what happened, I allowed myself to FEEL THE BURN. The BURN of missing the delicious sweetness of her surrendered body wanting to completely let go, worship me, be close to me, be pleasured by me, and protected by me. NONE of that was happening, because I hadn’t been Present. IT SUCKED.

I allowed the Burn to strengthen my resolve into a fierce commitment to tighten up my game, starting NOW. Time to sharpen up my Presence. Tomorrow morning, no more snooze button.

The downside: I screwed up.

The upside: I allowed myself to be IMPACTED by my screw-up, and to drive my commitment to create a more enjoyable experience for the people I care about, and make ME a more Present, powerful man in the world.

So, next time you’re not being the most powerful, badass man you can be, don’t beat yourself up… but DO allow yourself to FEEL THE IMPACT of your actions.

It’s gonna burn, for sure.

But, it WILL strengthen your resolve to take your game to the next level.


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