Confidence?
I have been sifting through tons of original recordings and website content created at AMP over the years.
It has become a huge archaeological dig, and I’ll say this…there is serious gold in here.
I am the Indiana Jones of AMP content, and I want you guys to check these precious gems I am discovering…like this one:
What is the secret to having confidence?
Women say all the time that they want a confident guy. And when you look around at the guys who do the best with women, more often than not they seem to have this unshakable sense of control and calm to them.
This leads a lot of guys to think that confidence is the holy grail of doing better with women.
All they have to do is just puff themselves up and pretend like they’ve got everything taken care of.
However, there’s a lot more to this whole confidence thing than that…
Check out this discussion with Decker, Garrison and Mel breaking down the Myth of Confidence:
So it’s a little more subtle than all that…
There seems to be more subtlety to the concept of confidence. When we strive for confidence, It’s easy to slide over into posturing or presenting an image of ourselves that we want people to see rather that just being who we are.
By focusing on confidence, we consume ourselves with what others think of us and distract ourselves from what we really want in any situation.
But what If we don’t actually want confidence? What if we want something else…something deeper?
Here, Decker x-rays what it is like for a man who is not experiencing the “confidence” he wants to exude:
This confidence thing is really just a myth!
Your version may be different than this, but there seems to be a lot of value in digging into what is happening for us underneath our self-judgement of confident or not-confident.
What we are really looking for is not confidence, but self-assurance. Just knowing that what we are saying is deeply true for us in that moment.
We want to feel the flow state of living our purpose without our internal questioning and self-doubt taking control and running the show.
Listen to Mel, a former bartender and AMP woman draw out the distinctions and share her experience of self-assuredness in men.
Authenticity is not something we can “do.”
Are you ok, with yourself no matter what?
Self-assuredness is a direct expression of what we call Wholeness in the AMP holarchy and all of our programs are aimed at clearing the obstacles to Wholeness.(Click Here if you don’t know what the hell I am talking about.)
I’m reflecting back on the times when I felt effortless flow in relating with a woman and exuding what most people call confidence.
In those moments I certainly wasn’t thinking about confidence…I wasn’t thinking about myself at all.
How about you?
Stay Tuned…
In sharing these posts with you, I am really inspired to jump in and take it to the next level with you guys.
We’re re-launching a favorite AMP program in the next couple weeks…with fresh legs, and new insights for you.
Keep an eye on this blog and AMP emails so you can get in on this killer program before it fills up.
I love getting feedback from you guys. Drop a comment below if these insights rocked you like they did me (or if you think Decker and I are totally full of shit ;))
Thanks for posting. MP3’s are perfect for me as I’ve created a chaotic life for some dumbass reason and this gives me the opportunity to learn while I’m on yhe road. Much appreciated. Thanks! -Paul
Sounds about right. I think most people are born OK, fine, whole, intelligent – and then go through a series of experiences where it is all beaten out of them, unless they are extremely lucky to be born into the right family.
I agree CF, we’re all born whole. I believe it’s the structure of modern society that pulls us away from that wholeness. Could this be the reason adolescence is such a difficult time? Are we feeling that “wholeness” slowly being pulled from us and replaced with judgement and eventually fear. Is it any wonder teens rebel?
Great stuff here in these talks!
Wow! This kicks ass! So glad I clicked through the email to enjoy this. I’m wowed by how much I relate to Decker’s painting of the guy who defines what’s allowed/okay by the (perceived) world/people around him. Fuckin A!
Awesome shit, guys! Love it, couldn’t agree more. Can I live it…. ;>))
I remember another recording, Decker and Garrison were talking about “losing out” if you don’t get to sleep with a woman. Decker said, “If she ends up sleeping with me, she’s going to have an experience that she rarely has, so any idea that I may be losing out…” I’m paraphrasing and I can’t remember all of the quote, but that to me is confidence. Knowing you can provide that type of experience.
It is nice to see the progression through dialogue until Decker homes in on the essential quality of confidence – it being, as the word suggests, to act with faith and trust in who we really are and it works best when we get out of the way and let it happen.
Myth of Confidence… one of those rare gems.
Recently I’ve found that when I actually leave the house (lol) I am WAY different around people than I used to be in a very freeing & enlivening way – after a 3 week cathartic episode in getting over a girl I fell in love with in middle school, and facing my fears in attempting to reconnect with her. Turned out all of the old hurt from back then was damming up my social skills, autopilot behavior had me looking left & right impulsively to *make sure* I wasn’t about to get hurt or insulted, socially guarded and cactus-like, etc.
And these tendencies are still here – AND I can actually see them now. I’ve been walking into social situations feeling way more free and enlivened. I feel *total* inner permission to look like an ass and not have it mean anything about me. The “confidence” was in me letting go of the old stories and fixations (and in this case A LOT of hurt feelings and it required willingness to question and face something that I REALLY did not want to face) – and then when the old tears are finally cried and I was free from this 13 year backlogged burden… BOOM. Social freedom.
And I’m not done… because I was twelve then and I got hurt a million times by different people in younger days… so I’m excited to delve into the deeper layers of hurt and reveal more social freedom beneath that hurt. Its been less of an efforting and *trying* to be confident like the pick up artists in Vegas, and more of a revealing what has me so tight and uncreative around people… and then yeah one day I literally just felt different and interacting was far easier.
Best thing I can say is the more it hurts, the scarier it is, the more unsurvivable it feels – the vaster the rewards on the other side. I haven’t felt this relieved and free since I was 12.
Josh
Love it Josh. thank you for sharing your experience.
Casey,
Thanks for sharing this post. Could you elaborate on this concept of wholeness? What is it and how is it achieved?
A few years back, I did the No Woman Diet with AMP with the exclusive aim of ridding this emptiness that I felt inside me all the time. This emptiness started when I chose to cut off with a girl from university after being with her for 3 years (call it dating), because we didn’t see a future together (because of our religious differences).
I medicated this emptiness with always checking our her pic on facebook (I had deleted her on fb, but still searched for her on it to see if she’s with another guy), watching porn, binge eating, all that unhealthy stuff. Then, I decided to do something about it and came across AMP. The concept of having a purpose / direction really resonated with me and I found the weekly exercises interesting. But I haven’t been able to make much progress in becoming more ‘wholesome’. In other words, in order to be satisfied and happy, I seem to always need something outside my body, whether it’s a relationship with another women, porn, food, etc.
I wish that I had a purpose, so big, so aligned to who I am, that I wouldn’t have this constant need for things outside my body to satisfy me. I wish I had a purpose in life that directed my behaviors, instead of the need for attention and validation from others that is the ultimate motivator for everything I do. I wish people (especially my immediate family) accepts me who I am and loves for who I am, regardless of how different I am to the mainstream society.
Can wholeness fix these problems? What do I need to do to fix these problems?
Thanks,
Alex
There are practices that develop wholeness over time, but there is no quick fix. Its something you have to consciously develop and cultivate. In general Yoga, meditation, energy work, etc are the fastest tracks to wholeness in terms of practices but…
Put attention on your life. Even if its in the smallest way just check in with where you’re at right now. And then go from there. Really the only thing you can fall back on is a commitment to continually wake up to your life. Journal, question, enjoy the ride… its something you gotta discover on your own.
Or move to Boulder Colorado and take part in the community at the Integral Center.
That is the fastest track to wholeness!
They circle you there, they have almost daily events and cool things you can do. Plus the people there are amazing. Best way to grow damn fast is to hang out with 100+ others who are also committed to growing fast.
Integral is guys and gals, too. Its not *just* men like with AMP. Something tells me you might enjoy that.
I moved to Boulder and did some training at the Integral Center for 3 months. Compared to the state I was in when I got there, I was a completely different person after those 3 months were up. I had a formal check-in with Decker 30-40 days in and he goes, “You’d make for a good before & after picture, man.” lol.
And its not just me. People who spend time in this community change and grow fast. I spent months witnessing changes in my friend Sindhu who came out from Asia around the same time I did and it was cool seeing her blossom and get progressively happier as the months went on. Both me and her were in pretty dark states when we met, and it was night/day when she was about to jump on the plane back to Taiwan and we both realized how much we’d grown.
That’s my testimonial… lol. Check out Integral if you want fast wholeness. Make the commitment, do whatever it takes.